February 1, 2008

I wrote in my last entry that I have been really trying to understand what all of the recent doctor's reports mean. It is hard for us in our human minds to understand the things of God sometimes. I cannot make people believe that what happened to me was a miracle; all I can do is continue to write about what God is doing in my life. One thing that God has really been impressing on me is that I need to trust His blood. In the last few years, I have become much more aware of God's Word and how it can actually be applied to our daily life. From the time I can remember, I was taught about Jesus and what He did for us on the cross. He died to forgive sin, enough for generations and generations over and over. In my recent studies of the Bible, I have come to understand that sickness is a product of sin. That is why there is no sickness in Heaven... there is no sin there. God's word is Living and active. Therefore, why can't Jesus' blood be applied to the sicknesses and afflictions that we face today? If I can trust the Blood to get me to Heaven.. if I can fully trust the Blood for all eternity... then why can't I fully trust it here in my daily life? I know that in light of these new scans and reports saying that no cancer is showing up, it would be very easy to say that maybe the doctors read the scans incorrectly in September and October. I went back through the papers so I could compare, I think because that is the human thing to do. We want to much to have an explanation. But then, I realize that this is essentially what I have been praying for. I have researched and applied specific scriptures to my personal battle. Over and over and over. Faith is being sure of things we hope for and certain of things we cannot see. And faith was all I have had from the beginning. It was the only thing consistent. I trusted the Blood to be stronger than this disease. That is why Jesus died; why His blood was shed. I believe in my heart that we have so much to learn about what all of this means. I know that there is power in the Blood, and that we do not seem to trust it enough. But as I said, if we can trust It to get us to Heaven, why can't we trust It to heal? This has been such an enlightening path for me... not an easy one, but it is one that has made me a better Christian, a better woman of faith, a stronger fighter when it comes to prayer. It has made saying "I will keep you in my prayers" a much more serious thing to say.

In the last few days, I have really started to feel pretty good. It was so nice to come home to phone messages and emails, and I have really appreciated the cards and prayers. It was hard to come home wanting to see my whole family and celebrate the news, but not feeling well enough from the chemotherapy. I had a little more nausea than usual this time, fully believing that is satan wanting to say "ha!" in my face. Just as I started feeling good, I got that phone call saying that my white blood cell count is at a .5 again. I was scheduled to leave for ctca on Monday (I know, that time went fast!) but in light of my counts being so low, my doctor has delayed me a full week before I can return. So, I will not be leaving until February 10th, having treatment on the 11th and 12th. I feel good, but still need to be extra careful until my counts come back up. I am so appreciative for the prayers and support.

Coming Back To Life Lyrics
Echoing Angels

I take a breath and Iím alive
Feels like for the first time I have seen You through these eyes.
Everything I used to be, That lived inside of me
Is gone, for the last time.
I remember everything Iíve done
But Youíve forgiven each and everyone

And Iím coming back to life
Iím living inside
All of my fears are far behind
Iím coming back to life
I found what I need
And itís You
I know that itís You
That brings me back to life

Iíve searched the world just for a sign
Hoping I could find someone
Who could change a heart like mine
I read the stories of your life
The miracles and signs
You turned my water into wine.
Itís so much easier knowing you are here
And all the doubts at once seem to disappear

And Iím coming back to life
Iím living inside
All of my fears are far behind
Iím coming back to life
I found what I need
And itís You
I know that itís You
That brings me back to life


My feet are dancing
My heart is crying out for you
So take my life Iím giving it to you

And Iím coming back to life
Iím living inside
All of my fears are far behind
Iím coming back to life
I found what I need
And itís You
I know that itís You
That brings me back to life

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