March 5, 2009

Yesterday, Mike and I started classes at our church that gives information on the church itself. It's the second step in the process of becoming members there, or partners, as they call it. We have been looking for a church for so long and we are so thankful to have found the church we have been attending since last summer. Anyhow, at the beginning of the class, we each had to go around and say our name and one thing about us. Pretty much everyone ahead of me told about what they do for a living, a job they used to have, generally something pretty light. I did not want to say that my job right now was beating this cancer stuff. If anyone watches Saturday Night Live, you will understand when I say that I try not to be a Debbie Downer. I have a good sense of humor about it all, but it usually catches people off guard. So, I chose to just say where my husband and I live and that I grew up here and how long we have been attending the church. Mike's aunt and uncle also attend our church and were in the class with us. After the class was over, his aunt asked me if I was uncomfortable saying that I am in a "season of needing healing". I tried to explain what I just wrote, but I felt like the way she put it could be a good way of expressing my situation without going into too much detail. I thought about this when I came home last night and started to pray about it. I just sense that God was trying to tell me that He already has healed me. I physically felt His touch a year and a half ago. The pain that I had from where the cancer spread in my sternum instantly disappeared, and scans later showed this spot was healing, and the area of cancer in the bones of my cervical spine in my neck no longer showed cancer, but rather slight arthritis. I know that I have since had recurrences, but I still do not doubt the healing that took place on that day. I have simply just told God I will go where ever He leads, and go through the fire again and again as long as He will protect me. I feel I am in this time of my life for a specific reason, and that is okay.

I was at the bank yesterday and the girl who was helping me was commenting on the weather. She said the sun was deceiving outside because it was still so cold. I told her it was warming up as the day went on. She said she could not wait until summer, and wouldn't mind skipping spring to get there. I told her the worst part of spring was all of the mud; I have three dogs now which equals 12 muddy feet on my kitchen floor when they come in from outside. I agreed that it would be nice to have the sunshine plus green trees and green grass as well.

Last night as I was laying in bed, praying till I fell asleep, the subject of seasons was on my mind. I ended up having a dream that I wanted to write about. I was at my parents house, and it was set up as it is now. I was in my old bedroom, laying in my bed when all of these snakes started coming out from under my bed. Most were black, and the size of garter snakes. I remember five black coming out and then noticed a green one and a red one as well. I felt almost certain that they were garter snakes because of what my dad has told me in the past, so I knew they were not poisonous. Still, I did not like them slithering about all around me, snapping at me, ready to bite. I made my way to the kitchen in my parents house and here the green snake was on the floor, the red snake was on the counter. I reached into the drawer and found a spoon and decided that would be my weapon of choice! With this spoon, I smashed the green snake's head and killed it. I went to do the same to the red snake on the counter when it stood its head up and showed its teeth, which seemed too big for such a small snake. It was in position to strike me, when all of a sudden it froze in position and I realized it was dead. I got close and just looked it, amazed that this bright red snake died just as it was about to bite me. I had a feeling that its bite would not be lethal, but was relieved that I would not have to find out. With newfound bravery, I decided to chase after the rest of these snakes. A black one bit my leg, but I felt no pain and it only left a tiny mark on my leg but did not bleed. I ran out the door in their kitchen that leads out onto the driveway, chasing the rest of these snakes into the front yard, my spoon still in hand. When I got to the front yard, it was full of mud. There was so much thick brown mud, almost like a tractor had run through the yard and then it poured rain. The water collected in these deep ruts and was about 4 inches deep, but was so murky from all of the mud that you could barely see into it. I managed to kill all of the other snakes, except for two of them. I watched a black snake disappear into this murky muddy water, and a few feet over I chased a brown snake the same way. At this point, I realized that the snakes were much more afraid of me than I was of them, and they were retreating, saving themselves from the wrath of the spoon!

At this point, I ran around to the back of the house. There is a wooden fence around part of my parents' yard now but it was not there in my dream. As I turned the corner around their house, I looked up at the giant tree they have in their yard and noticed that it was full of bright green leaves. The sun was shining through and the breeze moved them just enough that you could hear the leaves rustle. I looked across the yard and all the way to next door, I saw thick green grass everywhere and the trees were all full of leaves. The sun was so bright. My brother, Brian, was under the tree, standing there doing something when I ran up to him and told him that in just the amount of time it took me to run around the house, the seasons changed! I was so excited I could not contain myself at this miracle.

That's when I woke up.

It's about 2:30 in the afternoon when I am writing this entry, so I have been thinking about this dream all day. I know that in the Bible, satan is referred to as a serpent. I decided to type in serpent and snake into my online Bible so I could see some of the ways it is referenced in the Bible.

 Genesis 3:14 says: So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.

The snake was to be the most despised of all. I looked up some additional information on snakes via the internet. I came across a site that said garter snakes tend to arrive just as the weather warms up. All snakes share the characteristic of hunting prey, none are vegetarians. "Newly born snakes are hunters from their first flick of the tongue." I found it interesting that in my dream, the snakes were in fact garter snakes because they hide when they are afraid. They can bite, but are not poisonous and therefore their bites only leave a mark and are not lethal.

You may have realized where I am going with some of this. Seeing as how satan was referred to as a serpent in the very first book of the Bible, I see this as what the snakes in my dream represent. I realized early on that they were not lethal and therefore I felt less intimidated and more ready to fight them off. The fact that they were being defeated with a spoon also means a lot to me! A spoon seems like the least harmful of all the silverware, doesn't it? Not sharp like a knife, not pointed like a fork. And yet these slithering, snapping snakes were no match for my spoon!! The red snake died just as it was ready to strike me, and the rest of the snakes knew this. They retreated into the mud like cowards. The season changed in that very instant, from dark and muddy to beautiful and bright. I feel as if I am ready to turn that corner, ready to notice that change.

As I wrote about in my last entry, I have scans at CTCA this coming Monday and Tuesday. Of course, I would love to have perfectly clear results, as would a lot of people. But I know that my hope is not in those results, because my enemy can be defeated with a spoon!! No matter what the results, I know that I am where I am for a purpose and everyday that I am here is like squishing one more of those snakes. Eventually, they will retreat for good.

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