April 25, 2010
Hebrews 10:35-39 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
Our pastor preached on this passage of scripture this morning in church. He referenced 1 Kings 18 when Elijah told King Ahab that there would be rain coming, relieving the drought that had plagued them for so long. After saying this, Elijah went back up to Mount Carmel with his servant. 1 Kings 18:42 says Elijah "bowed low to the ground and prayed with his face between his knees." He pleaded for God to send the rain. Then he told his servant to look out and see if he could see anything. His servant looked and saw nothing. Elijah went right back to praying for that rain. Seven times Elijah told him to look and finally on the seventh time, his servant reported that he saw a small cloud the size of a man's hand rising. To some, they may go back and say "Okay God, now just send more. We need more than just that small cloud..." But for Elijah, that small cloud was all he needed. Elijah didn't hesitate and told his servant to run as fast as he could to tell Ahab that the rain was coming and fast! Sure enough, the whole sky filled with black clouds and drenched the thirsty ground below.
This passage in Hebrews 10 goes right along with the one in 1 Kings. It may seem like God tarries sometimes. But His timing is perfect. When God says it's the right time for His promises to be fulfilled, He will move quickly. "For in just a little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay." (Hebrews 10:37)
Two weeks ago, I had an awesome experience during church. My church has a very strong calling to pray for the sick. Not wimpy prayers... but strong, authoritative prayers. My last entry left off with the song, "Something Beautiful" that stated that "I just want something beautiful to touch me." Well, I feel like that happened. I have talked about the experience I had in September of 2007, shortly after I was told that this cancer had returned and had spread into my bones. Family prayed with me and I felt God's touch. A few weeks ago, our pastor said something to the effect of Your reality is based on your experiences. If you haven't experienced something for yourself, it's hard to comprehend what someone is telling you happened to them if you have nothing to compare it to. All I can say about what happened in 2007 was that it felt like electricity ran through me. For a brief moment, I could not move but I was trembling. Pain I had for weeks had disappeared and my next scans showed that the spot in my sternum was healing, and the spot in my cervical spine was no longer there.
That day was a defining moment in my life, in my battle. I knew God touched me. It was the coolest thing that had ever happened to me. Some have since questioned that day, as my battle with cancer has continued. I have never claimed to understand it all, I just know what I experienced. I felt God's touch.
Two weeks ago, our assistant pastor got up during worship time and said that as a church, we would pray in faith that God's healing hand could reach even to those who were not present in the building that day. If you knew someone who had been diagnosed with a serious illness, and they were not present, you could come down and stand in for them. Almost the entire church went forward. This is one of the only times I stayed at my seat. He then asked for you to just hold the hand of the person next to you. Mike was to my left and my sister in law and brother were to my right. We all joined hands. Shortly after our assistant pastor began to pray, I started to feel that familiar trembling in my body. I began to feel Gods presence so strongly that it was hard to stand. He prayed out for things like diabetes and cancer and as he spoke the word cancer my body could barely stand. Another man in our church came to pray with me. God's presence was so thick and heavy, I was literally forced to my seat under the weight of it. It was hard to breathe and I was shaking all over. My body was sore and weak.
I guess I never expected to have that experience more than once. When that happened again, it was coming off of a really hard week. My back had been hurting so badly again that I had taken pain pills the two nights prior just so I could sleep. I was going to call my doctor the following Monday to let him know I was taking the pain meds. But after I felt God's touch again, that pain was gone. For an entire week I did really good with no pain. In the last week, I have struggled off and on with it again. Mostly at night when I try to rest. I have not needed pain meds, but it has still been discouraging.
On Thursday, I saw my neighbor outside. Mike and I are extremely fortunate to have wonderful neighbors. They put up with our barking dogs and are so friendly to us. They even bought dog treats and would feed my dogs through the fence. My littlest dog, Annie, got to where she would see them in their kitchen and bark to get them to come outside and feed her! On Thursday, my neighbor told me that her husband had just died the night before of a massive heart attack. He was only 61 years old.
This news was really hard on me. We weren't so close that we talked everyday, but he will be missed for sure. It was so unexpected and he was young. We had just talked to him on Easter, as he rested his arms on our fence, asking if we wanted to come over and play bocce ball. Always a smile on his face, always ready to help if we needed something. Hearing the news of his death is a time where nothing makes sense.
God used this passage in Hebrews to speak to me today. " Do not throw away your confidence." And then the passage in 1 Kings... I want to be more like Elijah in that all he needed was the smallest of clouds to see God's promise being fulfilled. And once it was God's timing, the fulfillment came fast!
I received an email from a friend who prays for me a lot. I am so grateful to those who bring me before God. Even when I feel like I am too weak to cry out any more, there are those who help. She let me know that tonight she had her pastor anoint her and prayed healing prayers for me. She said the Holy Spirit was so thick that it about knocked them over. God is moving in my situation. As our pastor says, these confirmations are road signs, letting me know to keep going for I am on the right path.
I have been listening to the song "You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe a lot this evening. There is a lyric that says "I know that You have come down, even if to write upon my heart... to remind me of who You are." He is faithful. He has never left me. I have felt Him come down, even if it has only been to write on my heart and remind me of who He is.
My mom and I fly out to Chicago on Tuesday morning. Our flight leaves Cleveland just before 10 am. I have blood work drawn, see my doctor, then have my chemo. We will be flying back home late Tuesday night to avoid staying overnight. I should have scans again in May.
I am looking for that one "small cloud in the sky"!
I will update when I return home.
Lyrics to You Are For Me by Kari Jobe Click here to listen to it
So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are
So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are
Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
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