June 4, 2007

It's hard to believe that it's June already. I remember last June, last Father's Day specifically. That was the last time that Jeff was at my parents house. It was the first time that Jeff's symptoms had progressed to the point where I could notice a significant difference. I remember sitting out on my parents' deck just crying after Jeff and Gwen and the kids had gone home for the day. It seemed like he had gone for so long stable and then reality set in. I had just finished radiation a few weeks before. Jeff and I had talked often about celebrating our healing together. Possibly the hardest question I will live with now is why did God heal me on this earth and chose to take Jeff home? He lived for just over 2 years from when he first showed signs that something was wrong. June 8 will mark the two year date that I first noticed I had a lump that should not be there. The past two years have flown by... I am thankful to still be here but truly, I do not take it for granted. I see my oncologist on June 7, this Thursday (she sees me every three months). I also see my radiologist in August. Please continue to remember me in your prayers.

 A tree was just planted at Sunny Lake in memory of my brother. Anyone who reads my entries will know how special this is to know that there is life growing there in his memory. Seeing his name on that plaque was a hard thing to see. All of my family's names are together on that plaque, but there is a void in my family. I have one of Jeff's journals that I reread over and over. I want to post something he wrote on September 29, 2005:

"Romans 1:1 Called and set apart. God does the calling, we answer. When we do, he sets us apart. This setting apart is not for status, but for service. What an honor to be in the service of the King. In case we aren't sure that the calling is for us, and not just for Paul, v.6 tells us that we also are among those who have been called. To what have I been called? This is Paul's identity. He does not recognize himself in relation to his pedigree, training, experiences, or anything of himself. He is who he is because of his calling. I am not ashamed of the Gospel for it is the power of God  for salvation!"

This has been my question for the last 2 years. To what have I been called? I do not desire to be wealthy, to be known by what I do for a living, or measured by things I have. I want people to know I have accepted God's calling for my life and I want to be known as His child.

Colossians 2:2-3 My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.


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