July 14, 2008
(Me and Olivia and Emily on the 4th of July!)
Sometimes I get phone calls to my home from 800 numbers. They are usually sales calls, or solicitors asking for donations for varies causes. Well, last week I got a call and I looked at my caller ID to see that it was an fact an 800 number. I answered and the woman's voice on the other end said "Hi, how are you doing?" I said "Good, how are you." She said "Are you hanging in there?" I thought that was an unusual question to ask someone, and she said "That's about all we can do, huh?" I was starting to think, do I know this person? Then came her reason for calling. She was collecting money for a sort of make-a-wish organization to help give sick children an opportunity to do one last memorable thing. Nothing wrong with that, I am all for doing things that make people happy. However, what she said next left me sitting on my couch just shaking my head. She said " It's hard for us as to understand why these kids get sick, but they are all going to die..." On one hand, I wanted to say "Well, we are all going to die one day. But who told you that these children would die from the sickness they have?" I know that God is the only one who decides that, and if God told her that information, she should be in a different line of work. I stopped myself because I knew she was only doing her job and reading what her employer told her to read. But I hung up the phone just thinking about what she said. She had no idea who she was speaking to, what I have been through, or whether or not I had a child in my life facing a serious condition. I was told by a doctor that I could still have some good times left, but that I would not be cured. When I called to request a leave of absence through my work, the woman I spoke with gave me a bit of a hard time at first. She told me that she needed a form signed by my doctor saying when I would begin chemotherapy. I told her that I did not have a doctor that would say that yet because my doctor was not treating me with chemotherapy. I needed the leave started so I could go out to Chicago for a second opinion in treatment options. When I explained farther, I let her know that I had been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She replied "Oh, okay. I will make a note that you are terminal and we'll get this started for you." Should I have said "thank you"? Why was that okay to say to me? God did not tell me that I would die from this so why is it okay to label me that way? It's not.
It really makes me wonder how many people have been told they are going to die from a particular disease. How many people have been given a certain time frame in which they have to live? They can give me a medical opinion, but no one has the right to say how long we have here and what will take us from this earth. Satan loves when those statistics are given to us. He loves to steal that hope away.
I physically felt God touch me. The pain I had in my sternum was gone. That pain was a sign of what the doctors said was a terminal disease, yet God is big enough that He touched it and took it away. My next scans showed healing of that bone. The medical report actually says "healing process" right on it. My sickness gave me a gift. I have been reminded that this life is temporary for all of us, and we need to live here in preparation for eternity, because that is something we will all face as well. That being said, I know not all who are sick experience healing here. I prayed just as hard for Jeff as I do for myself. However, I am not sad for Jeff. He made a choice here to serve his Savior, Jesus Christ, through any trial. Because of that choice, he is experiencing what true life is. That is something I look forward to whenever God tells me it's time to come home.
If you are one of those people who have been told by someone that you will not make it through the sickness you are facing, remind yourself that is not their decision to make.
As far as a health update goes, I am feeling good. The pain I had in my joints, I think from my daily medication, is getting so much better. I had to see my primary care doctor a few weeks ago because I have had numbness in my right hand. I went through nerve testing and it was concluded that both of the main nerves in my wrist have been damaged. The IV that I had started for my scans in May was put in my wrist. Nothing was done incorrectly, but the bleeding from that is thought to have put pressure on those nerves, causing damage. I was told that although it may take awhile, it should heal. There is a chance I may have to see a specialist for this, so that is something that you could keep in your prayers. My hair is growing! Time is coming quickly for my next scans already. I go on August 25... not too long from now. We are preparing for several vacations and trips in the next few weeks. I continue to thank God for all of you that pray for me and also for my family.