September 13, 2006
It has been over two months now since Jeff has been able to walk. His condition is not worsening, he is actually much more stable now than he was the night he was taken to the Clinic in July. His ailments are purely physical, mentally he is the same Jeff.
Jeff and I are ten years apart. Most of the memories I have of him involve him playing sports, or just being physically active. When Jeff still lived at my parents house, he used to run miles around the neighborhood. He was the only person I knew at the time that just loved to run. People have emailed me about Jeff's softball days and how he hit a grand slam, inside the park homerun in the bottom of the seventh, scoring the winning run for a church championship game. I remember him and my brother Tommy playing football with me in our backyard when I was probably only 6 or 7. I remember when I was in kindergarten, I went to see Jeff wrestle in a high school wrestling match. I sat in the stands and cried the whole time because I thought the other kid was hurting him. And just a few months ago, in April, he went running with me in the park. It is so difficult to know that at least for the time being, Satan has taken that from him.
When we were spending our days at the Cleveland Clinic, I would constantly be praying for Jeff to get up and walk our of that hospital... Prove the doctors wrong and show them that God can do what medicine cannot. When we went as a family to tour the Hospice facility, I walked the halls there praying, "Lord, this is a nice facility. But I pray that Jeff does not need it. I am still holding out hope that he will walk out of that hospital." I still feel an urgency to pray this way; for God to restore strength to Jeff's left side, and restore strength to every part of Jeff's body. I pray that he would be whole again, not just living with his symptoms, but that his symptoms would be washed away. There have been a few delays with getting Jeff a wheelchair that is ideal for him. The other day, Jeff told my mom that maybe one reason there have been so many delays is because he is supposed to walk. I couldn't agree more!
I feel like God is still moving. From the beginning, I asked God to let me know how to pray. Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."
If I should pray for Jeff to be comfortable, and not in pain, I would. If that was where my prayers should stop, I would. I praise God that Jeff is not in any pain, so I know that is not where my prayers are needed. I still feel like God wants to break through this. I still feel like He is calling us to pray for total healing, nothing short of that. I know sometimes I reiterate the same things over and over, but today I just felt an urgency to ask for prayer for Jeff to walk.
Mark 2:11-12 " I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home. He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God saying, 'We have never seen anything like this!'"
He was the same God yesterday as He is today.
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