I don't have any results to share yet. My appointment today was very quick. I was called back right away and taken to a separate section of the breast health center, this one for pre surgery testing. I sat in a chair much like the ones I would sit in while receiving chemotherapy treatments and waited for the doctor. As he came in, I thought he looked very familiar. I am thinking he is the same doctor I saw 2 years ago before my lumpectomy surgery. He entered the room saying, "Amy Ramba... that is a nice name...Raaammmmba." He was asking health questions, like did I find this lump myself? I let him know that I felt it the day prior to my mammogram. He asked if they already did a needle aspiration of it, and I let him know that I had breast cancer 2 years ago, so the plan was to go straight to a biopsy. He had apparently not read through my chart because he did not realize this. He just said over and over that I am so young to have this disease. He checked my heart and my lungs, which were both fine and then I waited to see the nurse. She arrived a few moments later and sat down in front of me. She asked more health questions, covering my history and what medications I am taking. She was baffled as well that someone my age was fighting this disease. The question always comes up about family history, which there is none, but I mention Jeff having a brain tumor at 33. I see the look on the doctors' and nurses' faces, and then I have to ask myself, when did my life become so dramatic? As I say it all out loud, I hear the realization that innocence has been wiped away. However, I am able to laugh at these appointments, feeling like I have to lighten the mood. I am still full of life, don't look at me like I am dying!
I received all my paperwork and instructions for Friday. I will be having a needle localization prior to surgery so they can pinpoint the exact spot to biopsy. I learned today that they will be doing a series of mammograms before surgery to guide them. How awesome would it be if nothing showed up? That is my prayer, but I know that if something does still show up, God will work in some other way.
I was in my car today and I put in a cd by one of my favorite Christian groups, Avalon. A song came on that I have heard hundreds of times, but this time brought me to tears. I just want people to realize, I was not born with the faith I have. I have learned it little by little in the experiences I have had. Being a Christian does not mean that we do not go through rough patches. We live in a world tainted by sin, that is the reality. But, as Christians we have hope. Hope that does not revolve around what happens on earth. There is a line in a song by Caedmon's Call that says "... this world has nothing for me and this world has everything." Everything that we could want as humans is at our fingertips here. But I want no part of it. This is not my home.
I wanted to post the lyrics to the Avalon song, Everything to Me.
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