October 11, 2007

Home sweet home! I am so glad to be back in Ohio! The trip coming home was rough because I did not feel good. I remember looking out of the window when we were on the plane and thinking of my brother, Jeff. In those last minutes that he was here with us, if he had any idea of what was about to happen, he must have been so excited to finally be going home. As much as I love the comforts of my own house... my own bed, the feeling of my carpet between my toes, my dogs... I can only imagine how the comforts of our heavenly home make this one pale by comparison.

I tried a couple of times to start an update because I know lots of people are wondering if we made it back. The second portion of our trip was very rough on me. On Friday, Mike and I met with my new oncologist for the first time. We were told that the results from the full CT scan I had on Wednesday came back only showing the same affected areas in my neck and chest. Everything else, my brain, my lungs, my liver, my abdomen, etc came back clear.  The doctor told us that they would be more aggressive than passive because I am only 27 and they wanted to try and get ahead of this before it got ahead of them. I agreed to start treatment that day. They had to insert a central line, which is an IV,  into the right side of my chest just below my collar bone. This was extremely painful and uncomfortable to have had to leave in over the weekend. Their standard course of care is to admit patients to the hospital there while they undergo their first chemotherapy treatment in case of an allergic reaction to it. For the next three days, I was given two forms of chemotherapy through the IV, lasting about 7 hours total each day. I felt nauseated within minutes of starting. I was told that the chemotherapy that I am on now is much harder on the body than what I was on two years ago in terms of nausea. It was nice to have my parents walk in on Saturday morning, although I have to admit that I don't remember much of the weekend at all. Mike was not allowed to stay in my hospital room overnight, so I know it was nice for him to have some company back at the hotel as well. I was discharged from the hospital on Sunday evening, and I was in bed until we left on Tuesday morning. As I said, it was a rough trip home because of how bad I was feeling, but we made it. On the plane, I put on my MP3 player and closed my eyes, praying for God to just get me through. I wanted to post the lyrics to one of the songs I listened to. It is a song that I heard years ago when my family started to go through a specific trial and I was so thankful that God reminded me of it on that plane ride home.

He Will Carry Me by Mark Schultz

Use the control to listen to the song

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more then I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me
He will carry me

I am on a schedule to undergo chemotherapy every three weeks for three days. They may decide to go to dose dense therapy, which would be every two weeks for two days. I was told that my hair would fall out in three weeks, so I am thinking I have about two weeks left. The pain in my chest is completely gone, as is the pain in my back and the tingling I was feeling in my fingers. These symptoms were gone before I had my treatment, and none of the doctors have an explanation to it. Praise God!

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