November 27, 2007
John 16:33 " I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!"
Sometimes it is hard to think that God lets us go through so much. I have heard people question if God is real, then why is there so much negativity in the world? Why doesn't He stop it? The thing I have to continuously remind myself is that we are not living in Heaven right now. We are living on earth, and while it is true that He has left us His Holy Spirit and He is always right here with us, we also live in a world where Satan is present as well. If we could actually see into the spiritual realm, I think we would be terrified at the war that is raging everyday. When Jesus died for us on the cross, he suffered death. However, the grave could not hold him and three days later, He overcame death by raising Himself from the dead to walk the earth again before ascending into Heaven. He left us His Spirit as a bridge between our earthy bodies and our spiritual bodies. For those that believe in Him, and believe that He is the one and only way to bridge that gap, His Holy Spirit dwells in us daily and that is what gives us hope. While earth is our temporary home, the reality is that bad things will happen. God has never promised that they wouldn't. This verse in John says in this world we will have trouble. But we can have peace in knowing that He has overcome the world, and for those that believe in Him, He is on our side! By believing and trusting in Him, we can know that even when it seems like He isn't, He is fighting on our behalf. As Christians, we can know that even death is not defeat. It seems like a win win, doesn't it? As hard as this battle is for me, I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if I was fighting with my own strength alone. Sometimes I can just look around me in my room, and imagine angels fighting demons all around me. This may not make sense to everyone, but I have always been a very strong believer in spiritual warfare. As long as I keep the faith I have in Christ, each day takes me one step closer to winning this battle, whether I am healed here or not.
During my last trip to CTCA, it was decided that I would go every two weeks for my remaining three treatments instead of every three weeks as I was doing. Chemotherapy is traditionally given in 21 day cycles. Chemotherapy kills healthy cells along with the cancer cells (which is why some causes us to lose our hair). 21 days allows the healthy cells to repair themselves, and right behind them are the cancer cells. The cancer cells are a bit slower to recover, so by giving another dose after 3 weeks, you knock the cancer cells back down. Now, by going every 2 weeks, it is hoped that the cancer cells will get weaker and weaker, not ever having a chance to repair themselves. This will make my last chemo treatment tentatively fall over New Years. I have questions for the doctor as to what will follow next, as I am sure some type of hormonal therapy will be necessary. The pain in my chest is still non existent, and the pain in my neck is improving. I was not able to look down or to the left before and I am able to do both now. I still cannot tilt by neck back in order to look up. The other night, I was actually sleeping on my stomach with my head facing left, which is something I have not been able to do since August. So I believe the prayers are working!
My mom and I will be leaving this time on Sunday, December 2. Mike's company Christmas party is on Saturday and I wanted to be able to go with him so they were able to schedule my treatments for Monday and Tuesday. I will not have as long to recover in between treatments, so please continue to pray for God to give me His strength.
Thanks so much for continuing to stand with me in faith, and for all of your prayers!