December 28, 2007
This last update has been a hard one for me to start. Not for any particular reason.... I guess I don't really know why exactly. I try to convey what is on my heart, and what I feel God is showing me on this journey I am on. But sometimes that is harder than it would seem. Perhaps because of the holiday season, my heart and mind has really been centered around my family and the road we are traveling. I love Christmas. I have such great memories of Christmas growing up. Circumstantially, 2005 was a lot like 2007. However, 2006 prepared me in realizing our mortality in this life. Why don't we learn more about Heaven? My brother Brian bought me a book entitled Heaven and I have only just begun to read it. It uses scripture to go into detail about what Heaven will be like. I think if more people realized that it won't be just like a long church service with choir singing, but it really will have much of what we are interested in as individuals, we might strive to get there. And not just get there, but really look forward to it. There is nothing wrong with that. I am not ashamed to say that this world is not my home. However, I absolutely love my husband and my family. My fight here is not only for myself, but for them. The attack on me is not a physical one, but a spiritual one and I have always been convinced of that. Some nights I lie awake in my bed nearly pleading for victory over this disease. If my time to go really was nearing, I would rather be taken by anything other than this disease. I will not let Satan put fear of cancer into myself or my family. Last December 28, I wrote about Jeremiah 29:11-14. Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all you heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and I will bring you back... to the place from which I carried you into exile." Sometimes it really does feel like I am in a place of exile. As much as I wish it didn't, my life seems to revolve around this diagnosis. But part of this passage stood out to me that didn't before. Even though in exile, it says the Lord carried him there. Not that he wandered off the path, but he was carried there. I find some comfort in that. My Savior has never left me, He knows where I am at. And He will bring me back. I have hope. I have Hope!
I know it has been awhile since I have posted, and I am thankful for all of your prayers. My mom and I made it out to Chicago and back safely. I was able to have all of my appointments switched to Tuesday and Wednesday. My doctor said that they will do my first set of scans since I began treatment at the end of January. They will also be starting me on a medication that will reduce the risk of heart damage that the chemotherapy can cause. My white blood cell count had gone up to a 4.9 by the time we got out there, so it was safe to receive treatment. They also sped up the infusion time so we were there for about 5 hours each day instead of about 7. They may eventually be able to give the infusion in one day. I received acupuncture again, and it seems to be helping because I did not get as nauseated as I used to. For the first two days after treatment, my whole body is sore and hurts to touch. But it is so nice to not get sick. I am scheduled to go back on January 4th and 5th, so we will be leaving on the 3rd. I would also like to add that I have very very minimal pain in my neck now. I can look over my shoulder and up to the ceiling and I have not been able to do that since August!!
Our home insurance covered our water heater leak, and Mike and his parents did a great job having it all replaced while I was gone. Thank you for your prayers concerning this. God really takes great care of us. My family had a really nice Christmas together. I hope you all did as well. There is a lot of colds and sickness going around so please continue to pray for God's protection.
I truly appreciate all of those who check this site and pray for my family. I pray everyday for Jeff to be rewarded for the impact he has had on my life, and I pray the same for you.